She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
