now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
