I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
