Your mouth is God's brothel.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
