i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
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