Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
