His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
