so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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