we made out on top of his cat.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
