i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
