I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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