I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
