Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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