I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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