i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
