I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
