drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My liver just had a heart attack.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
