I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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