handjob tips. give me some.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
