How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize