girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
