The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
