I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
