The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
it's like heaven, but drunker
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Randomize
