I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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