I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
