i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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