I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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