So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
