I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
