This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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