I need help removing her.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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