well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
