it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize