Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
