I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
