Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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