i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Randomize
