Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
