I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
