that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
