New invention idea: vibrating tampons
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Barsexuality is the new black.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
