i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
