i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
