Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
