I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
i think i just lost a toe
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
