There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
