Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
bring money and cleavage
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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