I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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