btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
