It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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