I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
