By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
