My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
