meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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