Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
