her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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