Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
