we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
