Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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