At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
