I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
