Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
