Life is so much better after having sex.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
