You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
