If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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