there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
