we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
