I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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