he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize