the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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