thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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