I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
