nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
