There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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