it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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