So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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