her vagine was all disorganized.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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