I feel like I'm in dance class right now
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize